Archive for Rants & Remarks


(This was written in 2013 on another blog and just rediscovered again.)

One of the most enlightening stories ever told was the one about the three blind men who examined the elephant—one feeling the tail and saying, “An elephant is like a rope”; another feeling the leg and saying, “It is like a tree,” while the third felt the trunk and said, “It is like a large snake.”

Many people with two good eyes are blinder than the blind. They come upon a religion or science and grasp a portion of it without making a complete circuit of study and inspection. If it is the tail of it they chance to grasp, that becomes for them the only part that is worth grasping, and neither flood nor fire can make them let go and move to examine the leg or the trunk. None are so blind as those who refuse to see.

A matter of supreme importance in learning to know ourselves is to try to open the eyes of the mind to examine our convictions. We must learn whether or not these stubborn ideas are something which we have grasped blindly and at random before a complete examination was made of the matter involved.

I’ve come to the point where I no longer carry beliefs or speak in certainties. I only have suspicions and curiosities. I travel every avenue and explore every path. A multifaceted mindset as open as an inquisitive child’s imagination. I am not ashamed or afraid to say “I do not know.” To have the mysterious unknown fill me with its infinite and timeless wisdom.

This is Your Life

Why do things happen the way they do? Is there a grand scheme? A universal script where cues are taken from actors across the cosmos? Such an idea would imply that something, someone, or some force wrote the destinies of every living being.

Perhaps life is just a random walk, creating our path along the way with every choice we make. Gods of our own life, splitting time as every possible action we can take plays out in parallel worlds. In one of these worlds my brother is still here with me, along with my cousin and grandmother.

Such is the nature of the reality I’m currently living in, and life must go on. I will love and cherish the people in my world, treasure every moment with them. I must do my best to make good choices and not fear mistakes, or feel shy about shining and showing my true colors. To live is to be joyous; not to dwell on regrets or drown in despair. As I stand in the present, I will look out towards the future welcoming the next challenge, with good memories from the past in mind.



phlud – the dark dreamer

I have some interesting dreams from time to time. This one I felt the need to post here, which made me realize there’s no great category for it besides Rants & Remarks, perhaps prose, but there may be a need for me to create a Dream category if I plan to share more dreams in the future.. and perhaps I will.

The following are the notes from last nights dream, 05-26-2014. At least, as much as I can recall. I’ll add more if I can. What I do remember will stick with me for quite some time. It was very vivid, and I have the feeling that the experience was somehow immensely important.

Woke at 5:40, then continued the dream until 6:50. got some water and tried to remember what I could. Then slept until 9:00, and had another dream which was unrelated.

It began in ancient times, and progressed over different lifetimes.

I was like, some “child-god” or something, very hard to put into words. Young Important and powerful. There was another like me, a girl. It was ancient times, looked Egyptian or Babylonian.

Then something happened that I cant quite recall (one of the parts I’m trying to recover) a ritual or something it seemed like, or end times, something major.. we, the girl and I, began to grow into giants and we shape-shifted into sphinxes.

Everyone was running around going crazy. It felt like it was inside some place, a large temple or cave illuminated by torch light.

My memory fades a bit, but the next thing I recall is another lifetime. I was a child again. I was with these other children, and we were all gifted. The same somehow.. god-like.

I was in some room, felt like the upstairs of a house; a finished attic, with these other child-gods. We were day dreaming, but our visualizations were being played out in front of us in small scale like some sort of augmented reality projection.

Some words were said during this that I wish I could remember:

(Our dreams/imaginations became reality. Something about dreams creating reality. Our dreams in each life were important to mankind and the planet somehow.)

And something else happened when I was with these other kids, something happened where we all died or passed on somehow. Ascended?

Came back again in another life, I remember being a kid again, this girl kept coming back with me too.

There’s so much detail I’m leaving out because I can’t begin to put it into words, but there was a feeling that all this was very important.

Each life the surroundings were more modern. It’s hard to say how many lifetimes there were, maybe 4 or 5. In some I didn’t get beyond being a child, others I grew into adulthood.

In one of them, with the girl and I (and always this feeling of deep importance), one of the gifted children from the past life began competing with us in this life. He was trying to mess us up, throw us off. He killed the girl, and I remember feeling like it threw off the balance of power somehow.

I remember that I end up killing him, but something happened just before that I can’t seem to remember. I figured a loophole around the imbalance but can’t remember what that was.

So anyhow, there was a life after this one, where its just me. I’m a kid again, sitting in a room with a bunch of guys in suits, mafia looking, tough and important looking. I’m just going on about how I have no father, no masters, no boss to tell me what to do. I get the sense that these guys are afraid of me, or afraid of the things I’m saying.

That’s about the last thing I can recall. There was so much more, some lost and faded, some beyond words as they were only feelings. Woke up feeling high and energized.

If I remember more or have another related dream, I shall post it here.

Transconscious Attunement Engines

We are all fractals, everything is a fractal. Each pattern or fractal are part of an ever larger pattern or fractal. We’re all waves of pattern smeared across the Metafractal of The Cosmic ALL.

We are like instruments in an orchestra of cosmic noise trying to vibrate in harmony with the Universe.

Quantumly entangled with All Spaces and All Times, infinite streams of information are available to our awareness for perusal. All questions anwserable; All paradoxes reconciled.

As Transconscious Attunement Engines, all things that are thinkable are possible. It’s just a matter of time (duration) and frequency (vibration).

Cyber Subculture

I don’t call myself a hacker. It’s a title that is earned, not self-appointed. I’m also not an über programmer with “mad skillz” nor am I some sort of script kiddie who makes believe he’s ‘leet like mitnick’ or some such silly thing. I’ve been drawn in by the hacker subculture since the early 90s when I was getting into computers, dialing into BBS’ in the pre-AOL era I became familiar with the scene and found my mind resonated with the hacker mind-set. What began as friendly conversation lead to co-op stuff. I’ve always been artsy/creative so I did ANSI art or design work for anyone who requested it, either in trade for warez or for fun. Anyhow to keep it short, I gained enough prestige with one group that I was encouraged into a more prominent support role which ultimately lead to a leadership position in a whole OTHER group which is a long story. I may tell more if you come off anon ;P or if anyone else is genuinely interested in this stuff. [src]

Weird day today, hmph…

So, I guess I’ll continue on with my story from earlier.

I gained enough prestige with one group (THG) that I was encouraged into a more prominent support role which ultimately lead to a leadership position in a whole OTHER group (MJ12).

The Humble Guys (THG) was a PC warez group where I created cracktros and .NFO files. I especially enjoyed doing nfo files. I was always in a “zen-like” state (high) while doing them in editors like E (PC-DOS), edit (MS-DOS) or later on, ACiDDraw. [code page 437 rEwLz!]

Anyhow, after chumming it up with these humble hackers for some time, exchanging more work for more favors they gradually took more interest in me and even began doing other things like helping to organize parties, etc. At one point they steered me in the direction of a comrade at ACiD Productions for a simple gig (I think someone owed someone else a favor). Afterwards one of the people I collaborated with on the ACiD gig mentioned something about forming a sub group or separate group with a broader focus than just ascii or warez. I said sure but the punchline was yet to come. He tells me that one of the areas of focus was to rain hellfire and brimstone down upon AOL (this is back in ‘95).

I thought it was a joke but he wasn’t laughing, though he was grinning like an imp. “Why?” I asked. “Why the hell not?” he said. “It’ll be like fish in a barrel man, not to mention fun.” I prodded him further on it and turns out the guy just didn’t like the idea of walled gardens, I agreed, but I knew it was just a good excuse to wreak cyber havok. I then asked him who else he had in on this and he tells me that it’s just the two of us so far but that he was “workin” on getting a couple of people he knew to join which I took to mean that they probably weren’t that interested. I tell him to sit tight for a day or two while I go back to my BBS and IRC chill spots to see if I could perhaps raise the interest of a few individuals.

To my surprise it turned out that more than a few were interested, ten to be exact. Many of them with a broad array of talents and nearly half were noted figures in other groups at the time. My comrade was so impressed by my quick corralling of cyber talent that he insisted I take point in the new group, and we called ourselves the Majority Twelve (MJ12).

Would you like to know more? [insert coin]


Our ancestors came from Mars. (122)

Atlas and The Pillars of Gnosis.

The Wise Ones, the True Illumined Ones seek to build and nourish these pillars.

The Wicked Ones, the False Illumined Ones seek to destroy and corrupt them to spread their poisoned Gnosis. (1213)


Utopia Dream

The Grand Dream will end. Fade to black.

Death will be feared.

This is only a sign that the next Reality Engine is ready to start.

Fueled by Hope & Love. Imagination the Key.

The Deverry Cycle

Daggerspell - first book of the Deverry series

Daggerspell – first book of the Deverry series

This is an epic series of Celtic fantasy novels by Katherine Kerr. I am close to finishing (soon-ish) all fifteen books and I can’t say enough good things about this series and it’s talented author. I can’t even begin to describe the complex woven story lines, so I’ll just leave you all with some links that explain it better than I ever could. Possible spoilers ahead – but it won’t at all take away from reading this sprawling and detailed series. /


Hello world!

Been working on reviving this old blog. I reorganized the categories a tad bit. I changed “Magick & Poetry” to “Prose & Poetry” and posted most of my poems there, many of them lovey dovey type stuff. Tongue Out

“Magick” is now “Magick & Mysticism” and I may be posting more there soon.

I also created two new categories: “Ancient History” and “Sci-Fi & Fantasy”, so those areas with be a bit thin until I post more there.

I’m also working on coming up with a cool new domain name for the URL of this site which is fun and exciting for me because I enjoy being creative and coming up with cool sounding names. Cool

The domain should be arriving shortly as I have a lot of good ideas. The hard part is choosing one!

Edit: New URL chosen. Domain name for this site is now:

The Black Hat Briefings

Here is a link to a list on eWeek of all the major topics covered in the Black Hat conference this summer.,1874,1840204,00.asp

and the official Black Hat site:


Wow, I think this will be the first personal post I’ve made since like April. wow Amazing. The only stuff I’ve been submitting to my blog has been articles I have found and read all across the ‘net. I should seriously consider getting more ‘in touch’ with my blog, as it is the primary and best online location I have as an outlet to share ideas and vent and express certain feelings. Not to mention playing with new emoticons, wink Hehe. hehe

My girlfriend has been on vacation in Florida with her dad, dad’s g/f and her friend since last Saturday. I miss her terribly! sad Finally though, she will be back home at last, and I can’t wait to see her! love She’ll be back in CT later this afternoon, maybe we’ll hang out if she’s not too tired, if not I may have to wait one more day. pout (love that pout face lol).

sleep Sleep-time…
Until next post,
Which may be soon,
-Alan the Arcane cyberpunk

Layout Transparency

Yes yes… I never mentioned that this blog is best viewed in Firefox, or most browser other than MSIE, as the transparency doesn’t properly function. I always forget to fix it since I don’t use IE, nor do my friends. I browsed to my blog one day from work and was like, damn, still gotta fix that. Just needs some CSS alpha trans code and whatnot… a fix will come some time soon, when I find time.

Rant: End Life Reflection

If an asteroid struck us in a year or more and you’re aware of this event which has yet to have taken place, there’s little if anything that could be done about it. Although there are usually enough eyes skyward that knowledgeable persons could calculate such an event. Despite that though, what would you do; what would I do? Personally, what things should you do, if death was not immediate? Which things would you regret? What would you be most worried about, besides the obvious loss of human life – loss of life… loss of loved ones, loss of the most precious and dearest loved one to your heart.

What things would cease to be a worry? What becomes trivial? What past transgressions would be deemed the most pathetic and meaningless? Soon and past spats with a spouse or partner fade and crumble to micro-dust. Which time-line events of your life would be the biggest waste of humanity; including the less obvious events that don’t presently spring to mind. Would life itself have been a waste of time? – Or would you positively see that life was lived to its fullest? Would you be chillingly aware of all your mistakes, including the deep underlying more subliminal ones? Will life have fulfilled its ultimate purpose? – Or would life have been nothing but a cosmic-sized hunk of spatio-temporal trash?

Would you rush to your loved one first? Would your loved one rush to you? At the same exact moment in time? Minds linked: thoughts, feelings, amassed and exchanged. Hurtful phrases of the past uttered under varied states of emotion – biochemical stimulations; chemically altered situations – long forgotten. Caustic words spoken at truth serum trials of honesty, and hurtful dramatized statements of falsehood, pooling in the well of evanescent mishaps festering and stirring casting a gloomy bane over existence and threatening to curdle over and swallow you in one expansive gulp. I’m at life’s curdling point of no return. The expansive aperture so close, I cannot see its rim. . .